Parenting Through a Cancer Diagnosis:

Skin Care for Chemotherapy
and Radiation Treatment

How to Support Your Children With Honesty, Stability, and Love
By Melody Swart

By Mark Brown, RN | Oncology Nurse &
Co-Founder of Dermavitality

Parenting Through Cancer

Parenting is already one of the hardest jobs in the world. Parenting while navigating a cancer diagnosis is something entirely different. It is heavier, messier, and more emotionally overwhelming than most people can imagine. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 37, I was a wife and mom of four elementary-aged children. Suddenly I was not just fighting cancer. I was fighting to keep my kids feeling safe, secure, and emotionally held through every step of the journey.

A cancer diagnosis does not happen to just one person. It affects the whole family. Research from the National Cancer Institute shows that children often experience heightened anxiety and confusion when a parent receives a diagnosis, even when adults try to protect them by staying quiet. Kids sense when something is wrong. They feel the emotional tremors long before we talk about them.

Telling Your Children the Truth With Gentleness and Honesty

According to the American Psychological Association, children cope significantly better when they receive honest, age-appropriate information. Silence or secrecy often creates more fear than honesty.

Keep explanations age-appropriate

Young children need simple statements. School-aged kids understand more detail. Teens often want direct information and may become frustrated if they feel left out.No matter the age, certain principles help children feel safer:

• Reassure them often that your cancer is not their fault.
• Encourage them to ask questions.
• Check their understanding to make sure they heard the information accurately.

Let them know ahead of time:

• “Mommy might lose her hair.”
• “Daddy may feel tired more often.”
• “There will be many doctor appointments.”
• “After surgery, I will need to rest for a while.”

When my husband and I told our children, I said:“Mommy has cancer, but Mommy is going to be okay. I will have a lot of doctor appointments to get rid of it. There is nothing you need to worry about. I just need you to be extra loving and helpful while I heal.”Kids do not need every detail. They need truth, reassurance, and space to feel whatever they feel.

Choose the Right Moment

Pick a calm time without distractions, ideally when the children have time afterward to process through play. Movement helps kids regulate big emotions.It is completely okay to cry when you tell them. Your emotions show them it is safe to have their own.

Having another supportive adult present, such as a spouse, grandparent, or close friend, can help keep the moment steady.If you do not know an answer, say, “I am not sure, but I will find out.”This builds trust.

Keep Structure Where You Can

Children thrive when their world feels predictable. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that routines help create emotional stability during stressful seasons.Try to keep:

• Bedtime routines
• Mealtime routines
• School schedules
• Simple weekly rhythms
• Holiday traditions

Even a few steady points in their week help children feel grounded and safe.

Get Your Kids Involved in Simple, Empowering Ways

Children cope better when they feel included. You can invite them to:

• Pick your beanie, scarf, or wig
• Help pack your chemo bag
• Do small chores like sorting laundry or wiping counters
• Help make thank you cards for nurses, family members, friends, or anyone who has supported your family

My children helped write and sign cards for people who had supported us. It meant so much to the recipients to see my children’s handwriting inside the card. These small expressions of gratitude helped my kids feel connected and purposeful during a season that felt very out of their control.

Watch Their Behavior. It Often Reveals Emotions They Cannot Express

Children often show fear or confusion through behavior instead of words. The American Psychological Association lists common signs such as:

• Bedwetting
• Nightmares
• Irritability
• Trouble concentrating
• Regression
• Clinginess

One of my children began wetting the bed and having nightmares about me being bald. They did not verbally express fear, but their behavior made their emotions clear.
Once I began wearing wigs more often at home and explaining the changes, the nightmares and bedwetting stopped. Understanding what was happening helped lessen their fear.

Encourage Emotional Expression

Children need guidance to name and process their emotions. The Child Mind Institute notes that children learn resilience when adults model healthy emotional expression.Helpful strategies include:

• Daily emotional check-ins
• Short family conversations
• Bedtime moments to talk
• Sharing your own feelings in simple, age-appropriate ways

When your child expresses sadness or worry, respond with: “I am right here.” “I love you.” “This is really hard, and we will get through it together. ”A hug or hand squeeze often communicates safety more powerfully than words.

Therapy Helps Everyone

Therapy is a supportive tool for both children and adults. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network explains that young children often process trauma through play such as drawing, sand play, storytelling, or games.

Parents benefit from therapy as well. Having a place to process your own emotions helps you stay steady for your children.

Involve Your Child’s School Early

Schools can offer emotional and academic support when they know what your family is going through.
They can:

• Monitor emotional changes
• Offer academic flexibility
• Bedtime moments to talk
• Connect your child with the school social worker
• Provide quiet spaces for breaks and check-ins

Sharing information early helps the school support your child more effectively.

Use Simple Family Practices to Create Stability

Simple family practices help children feel steady and secure. These are small habits that anchor your family emotionally. Examples include:

• A morning hug
• A bedtime prayer
• Weekly movie nights
• A special phrase you share before school

These familiar moments remind your children that they are safe and loved even when life feels unpredictable.

Little Comfort Items Can Make a Big Difference

If you receive care packages, consider sharing small items with your children such as:

• A mini pillow
• A bracelet
• A blanket
• A stress ball

My children loved these comfort items. They helped them feel included and emotionally supported.

Take Care of Yourself. It Helps You Take Care of Them

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Ask for help with:

• Meals
• Childcare
• Rides
• Cleaning
• Laundry
• Emotional support
• Financial needs

The American Cancer Society explains that parents who receive support experience better emotional outcomes, and their children benefit from that emotional stability.You can also reach out to your nurse navigator for additional resources and guidance. They are there to support your entire family through this journey.
Let people show up for you. Let them support you. You do not have to navigate this alone.